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Parents of young athletes sometimes struggle
in their efforts to help their children’s development in
sport. Well intentioned, much of the time, their methods
employ over-questioning, critical comments and unrealistic
demands toward their children. This is all done in an effort
to come across as the caring, tough-love soccer parent.
The situations that many young soccer athletes deal with
before, during and after games and training sessions could
bring a grown adult to tears. Let’s take a look at some of
these situations:
“Interrogation on Wheels”
The car door closes, your soccer player child is seat-belted
in, you start the engine, the car begins to move and you
start the interrogation:
“What position is coach going to play you in today?”
“Are you going to start?”
“Take some shots yourself today; you don’t have to pass to
Mary all the time.”
“Be more aggressive on your tackles.”
“Don’t take any grief from the other team!”
“Work on your mental toughness today.”
“Match Mouth”
You’ve arrived at the field. Your child is gathering her
stuff. You lock the doors of the car. You still have a few
minutes to walk with your child to the field and bestow upon
her a few more tidbits of advice:
“Don’t be lazy this game!”
“Keep your head in the Game.”
“Don’t forget to ask the coach to put you at forward.”
The match begins, your child is not starting.
Your body tenses, your teeth begin to grind and negative
self-talk (talking to oneself) begins:
“This guy doesn’t know what he’s doing!”
“I bet he won’t let her play forward.”
“I should have put her on another team.”
Your child finally gets into the game. She is
playing left defender. More negative semi-self-talk
(becoming audible):
“What is he doing?”
“This guy’s a clown!”
“He doesn’t like her!”
“She can’t even kick a ball with her left foot!”
As the game progresses, an opposing player, on
your daughter’s side of the field, receives the ball and
dribbles straight at your daughter. Your negative comments
begin so that your child can hear them:
“Stop backing up…be aggressive…step up!”
“Come on…get the ball…tackle her!”
When the opponent dribbles by your daughter,
your daughter trips and falls. The opponent proceeds to
cross the ball and a goal is scored against your daughter’s
team. You are beside yourself with rage! You just can’t
stand it! You throw your arms down vigorously, you begin to
pace the touchline for a few steps and your negative
comments become extremely vocal…you are willing to share
them with anyone who will listen!
“Get up…what are you doing?!” (to daughter)
“I knew it…this coach is a moron!”
“Hey ref…she knocked her down…call something for a change!”
“He should have never put her in the back.”
“This is rediculous!”
The game ends and your daughter’s team loses
1-0. The coach is talking to the team and you decide that
you must talk to the coach RIGHT NOW…IMMEDIATELY! It cannot
wait! You walk over to where the team is sitting, interrupt
the coach in an angry tone, and inform him that you want to
talk to him. Your daughter is embarrassed. The coach
suggests that you step away and wait until he is done
speaking to the team. The he will speak with you privately.
You storm off and say, “Forget it!” Your anger has reached a
pinnacle:
“I can’t believe this guy!”
“He has no respect for the parents!”
“I’m taking my daughter off this team!”
Anyone within earshot has heard your comments, including the
players.
“Interrogation on Wheels Again”
You get into your car and yell to your daughter to hurry up
and get in. Once out of the parking lot, it begins…
“Didn’t you ask him if you could play forward?”
“He doesn’t know what he is doing anyway!”
“What have I told you about diving in on the tackle…you have
to stay balanced and be aggressive!”
“We are going to another club, where you can play forward!”
You get home, your daughter gets out of the car in tears,
goes up to her room…and decides to quit soccer!
Friendly Advice:
Pre-game
Make a few positive, support comments to your child…”I can’t
wait to see your game today. Have some FUN!”
Help your child get the proper nutrition she needs prior to
the competition.
Prior to a game, any good sports psychologist or coach will
tell you that it is important for the athlete to get
mentally ready for the competition through “positive
self-talk”. The ride to the game is a good time for this.
Some athletes like to listen to music during this time. Some
athletes want to talk a bit…let your child start the
discussion or ask the question if they desire. It is very
difficult for your child to mentally prepare for the
competition when you are hording all of the time with your
questions and advice!
The Game
Cheer on the athletes for both teams. They are trying their
best. They are youth players and what you say really does
affect them…whether you are their parent or not!
Please DO NOT try to coach your child or the other players.
The players must focus their attention on the game and, at
times, their coach and the referee. There is a lot to think
about in the game of soccer. Let them focus.
Post Game
Good parents and coaches know that immediately after the
game it is time for mental, emotional and physical
regeneration.
A positive word about their efforts in the game is very
helpful and means a lot to your child.
Please don’t analyze the game or your child’s performance in
the game. The coach will do this at the next training
session.
Final Thought
Enjoy watching your children play…it will be much less
stressful on you and, certainly, on them.
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